Most protein powder tastes like a dusty attic. I’ve spent the better part of a decade trying to find one that doesn’t make me want to gag at 7 AM, and honestly, the state of the UK market right now is a bit of a joke. Prices have gone through the roof while the quality seems to be sliding into this weird, hyper-processed abyss.
I’m not a nutritionist. I just work a normal job and go to the gym so I don’t feel like a bag of flour. But I have spent literal thousands of pounds on these tubs. I’ve tracked the price-per-gram in a spreadsheet for six months because I’m neurotic like that, and I’ve had enough shaker-bottle explosions to last a lifetime. One time, back in 2019 at Liverpool Street station, my shaker lid popped off inside my backpack. My laptop survived, but my copy of Atomic Habits still smells faintly of synthetic vanilla. It’s disgusting.
The MyProtein zip-lock is a personal insult
We have to talk about MyProtein first because they’re the 800-pound gorilla in the room. Everyone buys them. I used to buy them religiously. But I’ve reached a breaking point. What I mean is—actually, let me put it differently. Their packaging is an engineering disaster. That plastic zip-lock strip at the top of the bag? It works exactly twice. After that, the powder gets stuck in the grooves and you’re left trying to fold it down with a binder clip like a peasant.
I tested three different 2.5kg bags of Impact Whey last year. One was 2.42kg, one was 2.51kg, and the last was 2.48kg. They’re usually shorting you a tiny bit, which wouldn’t matter if the price hadn’t doubled. I remember when a 5kg bag was £35 on a good sale day. Now? You’re lucky to get 2kg for that. It’s like buying gold bullion.
The flavors are a gamble. The Salted Caramel is legendary, but the Stevia versions are an abomination. They have this aftertaste that lingers in your throat for three hours. If you must buy from them, stick to the basics. Don’t get fancy. The more adjectives in the flavor name, the worse it tastes. That’s a rule. Total lie if they say the ‘Birthday Cake’ flavor is good.
Bulk is fine, I guess, but it’s boring
Bulk (formerly Bulk Powders) is where everyone goes when they get sick of MyProtein’s marketing emails. It’s fine. Their Pure Whey is solid. The texture is a bit better—less clumpy. I find their vanilla actually tastes like vanilla and not like a chemistry set had a mid-life crisis.
I don’t have a lot to say here. It’s the Toyota Corolla of protein. It works. It’s reliable. It won’t change your life. Worth every penny if you just want to get it over with.
The part where I spent £60 on ‘Artisan’ pea protein and regretted it
I went through a phase where I thought whey was breaking me out, so I decided to go vegan. I bought this stuff from a brand called Form. It’s very posh. The packaging looks like it belongs in a boutique hotel in Shoreditch. I paid nearly £30 for a tiny 520g bag. That is an insane amount of money for ground-up peas.
The texture was like drinking wet plasterboard in a construction site. I tried to convince myself I liked it. I told my friends, “No, it’s actually really clean!” I was lying to them and to myself. I eventually threw the last third of the bag away because I couldn’t face it anymore. I know people will disagree, and they’ll talk about ‘bioavailability’ and ‘gut health,’ but if it makes me miserable to consume it, I’m not doing it. Vegan protein in the UK is mostly a scam for your wallet unless you have a genuine dairy allergy.
I genuinely think people who buy ‘Clear Whey’ are being tricked into drinking expensive cordial with a weird, foamy head on it. Just drink water and eat a chicken breast.
The brands that actually deserve your 50 quid
If you’re going to spend the money, there are only two brands I actually trust right now. They aren’t the cheapest, but they don’t feel like a rip-off.
- The Protein Works: Their ‘Whey Protein 80’ is the best-tasting stuff on the market. Specifically the ‘Butterscotch’ flavor. It’s dangerously good. They use better emulsifiers so it doesn’t turn into a ball of sludge at the bottom of your shaker.
- Perky Jerky / Niche Brands: Actually, forget the niche brands. Most of them are just white-labeling the same stuff from a factory in Glanbia anyway.
- Reflex Nutrition: I might be wrong about this, but I feel like Reflex is the only brand that still cares about quality. Their Instant Whey Pro has actual lab-tested protein percentages that match the label. I tracked my recovery times over 3 months using their stuff vs. the cheap supermarket brands, and I felt significantly less sluggish.
I refuse to buy PhD Nutrition. I don’t care how many elite athletes they sponsor. The branding looks like it was designed by a committee of people who hate joy. It looks like medicine. I don’t want to feel like I’m in a hospital when I’m trying to hit my macros. I know that’s unfair. I don’t care. Brand identity matters when you have to look at the tub every single morning.
How to not get played
Stop looking at the ‘Retail Price.’ No one pays the retail price. If a site doesn’t have a 30-40% discount code running, you are being robbed. These companies have baked the ‘sale’ into their margins. If you buy MyProtein at full price, you are essentially donating money to their marketing budget. Don’t do it.
Also, check the ingredients. If the first thing listed isn’t Whey Protein Concentrate or Isolate, put it back. If it’s a ‘blend’ and the first ingredient is soy but it’s marketed as a whey product, they are cheaping out on you. I’ve seen this happening more and more with ‘budget’ brands on Amazon UK. They hide the cheap fillers in a ‘proprietary blend.’ Total scam.
I’ve reached a point where I just buy the biggest bag of unflavoured whey I can find and mix it with a bit of Nesquik. It’s cheaper, I know exactly what’s in it, and I don’t have to deal with the ‘Cookies and Cream’ flavor that tastes like burnt plastic. It’s the only way to stay sane in this market.
Anyway, that’s my rant. I’m still using the same battered shaker I got for free in 2016. It’s starting to smell a bit weird no matter how much I bleach it, but I can’t bring myself to pay £15 for a new one. Why does every strawberry flavour taste like a fake candle? I genuinely don’t know the answer to that.
Buy the Bulk chocolate. Avoid the pea protein. Keep your receipt.